The nurse called and confirmed the bad news. It was indeed a chemical pregnancy. My beta-hcg has dropped off from 28 to 9 today.
They wanted me in for another blood test on 4th Feb just to confirm my hcg has drop to below 0.x level so that no extra steps are necessary.
As I'm typing this, I can feel the familiar feeling between my legs.
Call it whatever they want, it's miscarriage and that's my potential baby gone today, literally down the sewage pipe as I flushed.
I didnt think I had much maternal instincts but I guess you dont know what you have till something is gone. So when you lose something, it feels like completely something else. A tiny void.
I console myself that it's prob better this way, at this earlier stages, than to wait till its bigger with a sac, only for it to be unsustainable later. I think that will even be more heart breaking.... perhaps I should kick my own arse for testing so early. Otherwise, I would just assume my period is late.
However, instead, I wont be able to live with complete oblivion now.
Today the last day of the month, 31st Jan marked the end of my first pregnancy.
God I feel like crying...
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