8dp3dt: BFP on Clearblue strip

8dp3dt. New Years eve. 

I Thot wat the heck, is there's anything or not I might as well try my luck with home kit.

Could this be real? 

Will 2014 be a happier year?

I'm holding my breath. 

Tmw is NY so I can't call the hospital for early Hcg blood test. 

We shall see.

As per what my man says, we can only b happy if it actually is born alive n healthy. 

The last interrupted short lived experience has def muted any joy or excitement. Looks like it ain't just me alone. 

8dp3dt. No implantation symptom....

8dp3dt

This is my second 2WW and unlike the first time round where I was more "atuned" to my body and excited with anticipation, this time round, I didnt carry much expectations and days do zip by. I didnt even realise I have reached the 8 day mark, only because I had to go back to test my progesterone level did it make me realise I have reach the half way mark in the 2WW.

Unlike the previous 5 days transfer where I felt very precise and exact pain, which I realised now is implantation pain, I didnt feel any cramp or just pain this time round. What I did experience though was a sharp navel button tug twice during dinner last night. This feels completely different from the sharp pain previously.  It's more like someone is pulling your belly button from the inside and yank it down towards your pee area. It was over in few mins. Strange.

Which to be honest, does make me a little sad to think that this FET round may not have work. With the sore throat I have since Xmas and trying to ward off a cough, all these without medication, makes me feel like a lonely battle against fate. Seemingly so much obstacles as usual.

I have also been extremely lazy this time round.

I didnt eat as well as the previous time, I didnt feel as hungry as frequently as previous and I hole up at home to watch TV more. Well, primarily coz its cold out there. The only thing that I still do is drink a lot of water. I feel so dehydrated all the time and with the sore throat, I felt I need to sip warm water every min.

My man has been trying to plan for a holiday to go somewhere which is hard since we dont know when I can fly till after 6th Jan and alot of hotels and airline expect payment by 1st Jan. Sooo Soooo Soooo annoying.

The nurse tried to reach me today to tell me if my progesterone level is enough but I was fast asleep till 12pm. Dead tired. Just Surprised that they didnt bother to leave a message. I tried to call them back but as usual, the line is always unanswered.

Will try again later.

Speaking of progesterone pills, unlike the previous crinone gel which made me itch, this tablet format works better with lesser itch at night. However, it disturbs my sleep because it constantly discharges this watery discharge at night which will soak thru my panty liner. So while I didnt get the other itch effect, I get the constant wet feeling which forces me to wake to change my liner. I tried using a pad instead but somehow that made me itch. I think the discharge when dried up, leaves a powdery residue that irritates my outerskin of my vagina somehow. This is soooo frustrating. So I have been sleeping in a 3 hour cycle everynight...

3dp3dt: Dealing with a super bad sorethroat the non- medicinal way

I cannot even imagine how the hell I had this sorethroat considering I ate nothing fried, heaty and I slept early! WTF!

Since I couldnt eat meds, I resorted to natural methods of gargling with warm sea salt water. To give it extra kick, I boil ginger water, mixed it with Apple Cider Vinegar (ACV) and gargled the hell out of my throat. I also drank the ginger ACV mixed with honey. It tasted quite nice really.

In less than 2 days, the sore throat subsided. No kidding.
I can finally talk without feeling like I have a fish bone pricking me from my throat!
Thank goodness!

I think the ACV with ginger really nailed it better than the salt water but it could be my imagination.

Healthy homemade porridge loaded with my fav seaweed mixed in.

I am crossing my fingers that the cough dont develop.

2dp3dt: Merry Xmas and down with the worst sorethroat

Merry Xmas all mums to be and wannabe (like me).

Since ther's only me at home, I didnt see a point to set up a Xmas tree.

Went to relative house for hot pot. Bad idea. Now I'm feeling sick.
My sore throat is acting up and I think a dry cough may be on its way unless I can ward it off.
The sorethroat is REALLY BAD. It's the prickling pain sort that hurst quite a lot when swallowing.
Damn.

I couldnt take the meds since u know, there's a fertilised egg in me waiting to implant (cross fingers). Will Santa grant me a wish and gives me my Xmas wish for a baby next year?

Anycase, had insomnia last nite. Went to bed at 1am and woke up at 5am.
watched Tv till 9.30am and fell back asleep till 12.30pm.

I am feeling so shitty now.

23dec: IVF round 2: Frozen Embryo Transfer #1 (FET)

Finally the day is here.

Initially we thought about using 2 embryo but Dr Lok said we can consider the single embryo since she thinks its good quality. At this point, I honestly dont have an opinion and left it to her.

My man has already flew back to Australia on 21st Dec and so this time round, I am on my own.

It's fine really. No fuss, no high, no excitement.
In fact, all excitement had long fizzled out since the last failure and so I'm just going in as if it was just another day. In fact, I had been pretty laxed and didnt take my estraferm on time and I even got the dosage wrong. The scan had revealed that I had a uterus small polyps which wasnt there before...I suspect its the hormones pills...anycase Dr said its small and most likely not cancerous and so we can leave it unless it becomes an issue in future..

My appointment was supposed to be at 14:30pm but since there were 5 others doing the FET, mine was delayed till 3.30pm. Which was fine since I went to pee at 2.15pm as I couldnt hold my bladder and I had to replenhish with another 4 cups. So I needed that 1 hour for my bladder to refill.

I think I over did it and I was really suffering in agony from full bladder. Dr Lok came in and told me I can go pee so long I dont empty my bladder. Since I didnt know exactly how much pee I have and I didnt want to botch my op from empty bladder (hence poor visbility on the screen), I let off only a little since I knew once the main flow gets started, I may not be able to control and stop myself from not emptying it.

Because of the Polyps, there was small bleeding which means your discharge is pink instead of white.
I saw the embryo again on the screen, bright like a star and all I can do is pray.
I dont even dare to hope anymore.
I guess that;s what first failure does to you. I dont know how some can go through so many rounds.

Before Dr Lok left, she told me that I have 6 frozen em left and I replied "I hope I dont have to use them after this" She gave a chuckle and agreed and wish me good luck.

I went back home famished.
I just made chicken soup and ate some corn and egg.

The nutrition advice is completely different this time.
There was no special mention except to avoid papaya and banana.
I think I will still stick to no liver as well and eat my eggs.

It will be another long 14 days (2WW) wait and on the 30th I have to go in check my progesterone and 6th Jan for blood test. I think before that, my HPT will tell me if I;m successful or not. Based on the below chart, I have 9 more days to wait.

3-Day Transfer

Days Past Transfer (DPT)	Embryo Development
One	The embryo continues to grow and develop, turning from a 6-8 cell embryo into a morula
Two	The cells of the morula continue to divide, developing into a blastocyst
Three	The blastocyst begins to hatch out of its shell
Four	The blastocyst continues to hatch out of its shell and begins to attach itself to the uterus
Five	The blastocyst attaches deeper into the uterine lining, beginning implantation
Six	Implantation continues
Seven	Implantation is complete, cells that will eventually become the placenta and fetus have begun to develop
Eight	Human chorionic gonadotropin (hCG) starts to enter the blood stream
Nine	Fetal development continues and hCG continues to be secreted
Ten	Fetal development continues and hCG continues to be secreted
Eleven	Levels of hCG are now high enough to detect a pregnancy

Perhaps, I have lesser hope now, assuming I have poor quality eggs...this 2WW doesnt seem as daunting as the previous round. I still pray for the best but I think I am def less excited this time round.

IVF #1: My miscarriage at 8wks and abortion process that took 2.5monthsto complete,

It has been about 3 months since I was last told my pregnancy failed at 8 wks in late september.

Just a quick update as to what has been happening.
After getting the abortion pills for my miscarriage, I went back and got myself prepared for the inevitable.
I bought tons of panadol and stock up on heavy duty pads.

30Sept

- Woke up at 8am and inserted my first pill. I really struggled with pills insertion without an application. Mentally, it was really hard to go thru and I was pretty sure I didnt get to insert all the way in before the pill started to dissolve. Panicked. Wasnt sure if I botched my own abortion process and called the nurse for help advice. She returned my call by 12pm and assured me its ok and the pill should work so long as I didnt leave it right at the entrance of the vagina.
- Just for preventive measure, took a normal panadol. I figured I can always add on the extra strength ones if I feel its gonna be bad.
- By 1pm, I started to bleed. It wasnt heavy but light.

- It was time for the 2nd pill insertion. I couldnt do it myself and so unfortunately I had to rope my husband in to help "finger" the damn pill in. Good thing the nurse gave me rubber gloves in advance for it since she knew it was gonna be a bloody affair. Trust me, I absolutely hated every minute of it since my poor man was more worried about hurting me and was very slow which prolonged the agony of feeling the pill rubbing up the wall sides.

- Assuming that the 2nd pill might trigger the major bleed and supposedly contractions for the uterus to abort the baby, I took another 2 panadol normal pills.

- Normal period like bleeding and didnt feel any cramps or pain. I didnt even need my panadol after this.
I ate dinner went to bed as per normal.

- Inserted the last pill at night but no change in bleeding status. Still light flow

1 Oct

- Still very light bleeding. Getting concerned, emailed the hospital to get advice.
- no pain, no cramps.

2Oct

- woke up and when I was changing clothes, I felt a passing out of a blot.
- I went to toilet and there is was a clot size of my thumb and on it, the beige clump on it.
- I took a closer look and I am positive that was my baby, with a small black dot that looks like its eyes.
It looks like it was laying flat like a panda for a rest.
- wrap the thing up and flush it down the toilet.
- I'm pretty sure my abortion has been completed. or at least whatever they had wanted to be out seemed to be out.

Emotionally. 

Stable. Clinically Detached. Went out to binge on Japanese food

I wonder what does that say about me? I wasnt affected. Because I didnt get to hear a heartbeat. I didnt get to see it grow. I didnt get to feel it move. Is that why I could be so normal as if nothing happened? I didnt want to talk about it either. So apart from my man, only my BFF knew because I had to cancel a trip I had planned with her. She flew in to be with me and I appreciate that. Life for me, was back to as it was. I just wished life could be a little more smooth sailing and kind to me.

The only time when it pricked was another close fren whose wife is pregnant. Same time as I had but hers is all good to go and they are happily sharing pictures of her growing tummy. It does make it harder to watch in Dec since we were the SAME dates and it makes you think "That could have been me too!" Instead now, you sit behind the screen and watch other people sharing their bliss and joy. I'm not jealous, i'm just mildly
sad. And God has to let me bump into them on the streets as if seeing the photos on FB wasnt bad enough, it has to be in person encounter to rub it in my face.

I had said it before, God is sadistic towards me if he exists.


3Oct

- Hospital called and asked me to come in early tomorrow for check up instead of waiting till next Monday.

4 Oct

- Dr did a scan and the screen showed an empty uterus. She was surprised that everything seemed to have been ejected by the uterus and only small mild clots still remained inside which she is confident will pass on its own.
- After the scan, we had a brief consultation.
- I was told to wait for 1-2 cycles of period before restarting my next FET cycle. I asked her how long more before my period will come again. she said to estimate 2-4 weeks once the Hcg comes down. So she reckon we will restart in Dec.
- She told me that if it doesnt happen in a month, I should inform the hospital to come back for scan just in case there are still tissues inside that needs D&C op to scrape out the remaining tissues that wont come out.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

October - Nov

I waited and waited but there was no sign of my period. It was already passed the 5 weeks mark and so I contacted the hospital.

6 Nov

- Gone for Hcg test.
- It was still registering at 157.
- I was suppose to return 2 days later but I didnt coz I had gone to Japan for a week's holiday.

14 Nov

- Gone for Hcg since still no period.
- Hcg still at 50+ level
- Told to come back for blood test in a week.

25 Nov

- Gone back for Hcg test
- Register 25 level

2 Dec

- Gone back for Hcg test
- Register at 13 level
- Basically at this point, I realise that it was going down by half every week.

8 Dec

- Return for Hcg blood test
 - Register below 10. I need not return for repeated test.
- Abortion completed.

10 Dec
- Ah....finally my period arrived. My Hcg has finally hit zero.
- It wasnt clot nor heavy. It was just light as medium flow that was done in 4 days. It wasnt scary as what others had experienced in internet posts. I thanked god for that.
- Called hospital and got a consultation tomorrow.

11 Dec
- Dr did a scan to confirm uterus was fine and ovaries are back to normal size.
- We decided that we can go ahead with FET this cycle since it's almost been 2.5 months since my last miscarriage.

I have completely NO IDEA that HCG will fall so slowly and I realised that every positive and then failed cycle will take about 6 months for the process to end before you can restart (unless you get a BFN from the start)

I knew my cycle will clash with my trip back to Australia. I just know NOTHING will ever be smooth and easy for me and so luckily, I book a ticket that I can defer my dates. Dr Lok was going on holiday on 25th dec and so we decided to go ahead with a 3 day embryo transfer on 23rd Dec.