IVF #1: My miscarriage at 8wks and abortion process that took 2.5monthsto complete,

It has been about 3 months since I was last told my pregnancy failed at 8 wks in late september.

Just a quick update as to what has been happening.
After getting the abortion pills for my miscarriage, I went back and got myself prepared for the inevitable.
I bought tons of panadol and stock up on heavy duty pads.

30Sept

- Woke up at 8am and inserted my first pill. I really struggled with pills insertion without an application. Mentally, it was really hard to go thru and I was pretty sure I didnt get to insert all the way in before the pill started to dissolve. Panicked. Wasnt sure if I botched my own abortion process and called the nurse for help advice. She returned my call by 12pm and assured me its ok and the pill should work so long as I didnt leave it right at the entrance of the vagina.
- Just for preventive measure, took a normal panadol. I figured I can always add on the extra strength ones if I feel its gonna be bad.
- By 1pm, I started to bleed. It wasnt heavy but light.

- It was time for the 2nd pill insertion. I couldnt do it myself and so unfortunately I had to rope my husband in to help "finger" the damn pill in. Good thing the nurse gave me rubber gloves in advance for it since she knew it was gonna be a bloody affair. Trust me, I absolutely hated every minute of it since my poor man was more worried about hurting me and was very slow which prolonged the agony of feeling the pill rubbing up the wall sides.

- Assuming that the 2nd pill might trigger the major bleed and supposedly contractions for the uterus to abort the baby, I took another 2 panadol normal pills.

- Normal period like bleeding and didnt feel any cramps or pain. I didnt even need my panadol after this.
I ate dinner went to bed as per normal.

- Inserted the last pill at night but no change in bleeding status. Still light flow

1 Oct

- Still very light bleeding. Getting concerned, emailed the hospital to get advice.
- no pain, no cramps.

2Oct

- woke up and when I was changing clothes, I felt a passing out of a blot.
- I went to toilet and there is was a clot size of my thumb and on it, the beige clump on it.
- I took a closer look and I am positive that was my baby, with a small black dot that looks like its eyes.
It looks like it was laying flat like a panda for a rest.
- wrap the thing up and flush it down the toilet.
- I'm pretty sure my abortion has been completed. or at least whatever they had wanted to be out seemed to be out.

Emotionally. 

Stable. Clinically Detached. Went out to binge on Japanese food

I wonder what does that say about me? I wasnt affected. Because I didnt get to hear a heartbeat. I didnt get to see it grow. I didnt get to feel it move. Is that why I could be so normal as if nothing happened? I didnt want to talk about it either. So apart from my man, only my BFF knew because I had to cancel a trip I had planned with her. She flew in to be with me and I appreciate that. Life for me, was back to as it was. I just wished life could be a little more smooth sailing and kind to me.

The only time when it pricked was another close fren whose wife is pregnant. Same time as I had but hers is all good to go and they are happily sharing pictures of her growing tummy. It does make it harder to watch in Dec since we were the SAME dates and it makes you think "That could have been me too!" Instead now, you sit behind the screen and watch other people sharing their bliss and joy. I'm not jealous, i'm just mildly
sad. And God has to let me bump into them on the streets as if seeing the photos on FB wasnt bad enough, it has to be in person encounter to rub it in my face.

I had said it before, God is sadistic towards me if he exists.


3Oct

- Hospital called and asked me to come in early tomorrow for check up instead of waiting till next Monday.

4 Oct

- Dr did a scan and the screen showed an empty uterus. She was surprised that everything seemed to have been ejected by the uterus and only small mild clots still remained inside which she is confident will pass on its own.
- After the scan, we had a brief consultation.
- I was told to wait for 1-2 cycles of period before restarting my next FET cycle. I asked her how long more before my period will come again. she said to estimate 2-4 weeks once the Hcg comes down. So she reckon we will restart in Dec.
- She told me that if it doesnt happen in a month, I should inform the hospital to come back for scan just in case there are still tissues inside that needs D&C op to scrape out the remaining tissues that wont come out.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

October - Nov

I waited and waited but there was no sign of my period. It was already passed the 5 weeks mark and so I contacted the hospital.

6 Nov

- Gone for Hcg test.
- It was still registering at 157.
- I was suppose to return 2 days later but I didnt coz I had gone to Japan for a week's holiday.

14 Nov

- Gone for Hcg since still no period.
- Hcg still at 50+ level
- Told to come back for blood test in a week.

25 Nov

- Gone back for Hcg test
- Register 25 level

2 Dec

- Gone back for Hcg test
- Register at 13 level
- Basically at this point, I realise that it was going down by half every week.

8 Dec

- Return for Hcg blood test
 - Register below 10. I need not return for repeated test.
- Abortion completed.

10 Dec
- Ah....finally my period arrived. My Hcg has finally hit zero.
- It wasnt clot nor heavy. It was just light as medium flow that was done in 4 days. It wasnt scary as what others had experienced in internet posts. I thanked god for that.
- Called hospital and got a consultation tomorrow.

11 Dec
- Dr did a scan to confirm uterus was fine and ovaries are back to normal size.
- We decided that we can go ahead with FET this cycle since it's almost been 2.5 months since my last miscarriage.

I have completely NO IDEA that HCG will fall so slowly and I realised that every positive and then failed cycle will take about 6 months for the process to end before you can restart (unless you get a BFN from the start)

I knew my cycle will clash with my trip back to Australia. I just know NOTHING will ever be smooth and easy for me and so luckily, I book a ticket that I can defer my dates. Dr Lok was going on holiday on 25th dec and so we decided to go ahead with a 3 day embryo transfer on 23rd Dec.