Progression to CIN III (CIN 3) and Leep Op experience with HK Santorium Hospital

My Cin II has aggravated within a year to Cin III, even though the 2 pap smears within the year has no indication that it has worsen...makes u wonder if pap smear is like playing russian roulette...

So it was unavoidable that LEEP op must be performed.
My fate is sealed.

I oped for G.A for my LEEP op even though it's more expensive. There are several reasons why I choose to do the more expensive version

Reasons
- I squirm alot even just during pap smear. I find it hard to keep my legs wide open without sliding up.
- I have low tolerance for discomfort. Since I do not have cramps during period, even coloscopy is very very uncomfortable for me.
- I cannot be confident that I wont move during LEEP, which in my personal view may result in more complication. The doc may cut the wrong area when I moved, or the doc is so stressed by all the movement interruptions that the doc cannot concentrate on what needs to be done. A doc can get stressed too...and a stressed doc is not the one u want operating on u.
- I read all about the burning flesh smell and pain experience and I would like to skip all that...

I spoke to my doctor Dr Lam and she left the decision to me, though she did agree that in my case, GA would def take the pressure and stress off her during the op but she said in the end, its entirely up to me if cost is an issue.

The Op

So came April 12th and I checked myself into the HK Santorium hospital into the day ward. Surgery is performed by Dr Helena Lam. I like her. She is nice, friendly and upbeat but also serious when required.

My op is at 1pm but they wanted me there by 12pm. No food and drinks by 5am the day before.

Before I was wheeled into op room, the anesthesiologist came over to say hi, and to tell me to relax. He asked if I have any allergies, or if I have a tendency to get motion sickness. I replied yes and he told me in that case he will adjust his medication injection accordingly so that I will not feel nauseous when I wake.

Inside the op, I sat myself onto the bed and the anesthesiologist poke the needle into my hand and that hurts. In less than a min, everything blacked out.

POST Op

I woke up at 2.15pm. The op took about 25mins.
I feel groggy but fine. However I was cold. So the nurse gave me a hot blanket.
My doc came by to say the op is over and told me to avoid ginseng.
I was to expect some bleeding, or brown discharge.
I asked her if it had worsen but she said no.
I asked her under what situation is considered abnormal, she told me excessive bleeding.
I would be given antibiotics for a week to combat any possible infections during the cervix healing.
Also, she told me she would see me in the followup in 2 weeks time.

With that, I was wheeled into the day ward at 2.45pm. I was still cold. So I asked for another hot blanket.

While lying there, my head was still groggy and suddenly a mild cramping hits me.
I went back to sleep and by 3.30pm, the cramp was gone and i was feeling better.

The nurse came over and told me they cannot release me unless I can consume some food and pee normally.

So about 4.30pm, I took some minced pork congee and finished it coz I was starving.

At 6pm, I was discharged. I felt fine really.
I changed into my own clothes and I didnt see any bleeding.

****************

Post Op Day 1

Date: 13th April.
Nothing much happened.

Post Op Day 2

A watery discharge happened. It was clear. The smell was like mild disinfectant but nothing bad.
Needed a change of panty liner twice. No cramps

Post Op day 3

Still watery discharge, volume increased. Needed change of panty liner 5 times a day.
No change in smell or visual, except the discharge is very very faint pink almost undetectable.
No cramps

Post Op day 4

Watery discharge volume increases. I cant use a panty liner anymore. I need a light day pad to hold the watery discharge. It is still faint pink. Only need a change once a day
No cramps

Post Op day 5- 7

Still using light day pad. Still change once a day.
No cramps.

Post Op day 8

Date: 20th April.
Signs of my period coming. I was spotting. It's pretty easy to tell it's period because the blood texture is just different.

Post Op day 8 -14

Date: 20th - 26th April 

Still spotting and no real sign of normal period.

Post Op day 14 : FIRST POST CHECKUP

Date: 26th April

Dr Lam did a quick check and she proclaimed I was healing nicely. That's where my good news stop.

At the same time, she also reviewed my specimen analysis with me.

There is no good news, only some worrying news.

She had to go deeper but she didnt want to overdo it as she know I was going to try for pregnancy. However, she discovered my CIN has spread to the inner cervix canal and she can only hope that the op which burnt the skin will also burn the cin affected area inside. Other than that, the rest of the affected area was fully removed. She said, only the next pap smear will determine if I have any CIN virus left after op.

Was it depressing news. What do you think? Of course it feels shitty.

I was paranoid about my healing so I requested for a second checkup in 6 weeks.

Post Op day 15 : 

Date: 27th April.

Period finally arrived. No unusual symptoms. No cramps etc.

However, it lasted 8-9 days instead of the ususal 6-7 days.

However, there were smaller blood clots which I normally dont get in normal periods.

It felt strange to have jelly thing passing out.

Post Op day 21: The BIG scare. HUGE blood clot.

Date: 3rd May.

This friday night I had the weirdest thing happening. At about 9pm, I realised I was started to bleed. It soaked through my panty liner but I still didnt think much of it. So I just grabbed my stuff to go have a shower and to my HORROR, a HUGE LUMP of blood clot the size of a pig's liver just gushed out of me. I am not kidding. The sheer size of it freaked me out, the fact it was bigger than my whole hand was enough to send me into panic mode. Having read so many "sudden heavy bleeding" posts on internet forum, I thought to myself, this is IT. It's happening to me too.

The color was simply liver red. Dark red and jelly form. The next part that had me panicking was the fact that bright red blood was streaming out of my vagina NON STOP. I mean literally like a turned on tap. So I sat (I have a sitting ledge in the shower area) in the warm shower for at least 20mins or so. It was subsiding but the volume was exactly scary. I just assumed when the blood clot was released, the fresh blood could flow. I had to wait a while longer before I could get out of the shower wipe dry and put on my pads. 

This time round, I knew it was just blood and NO blood clot. It was almost as if the clot had all been amassed and passed out as a huge lump.

I was still wondering if I should head to ER but thankfully, the gush of sudden non stop blood flow ceased to normal within 2 hours. I was relieved!

My period dwindled to nothing in the next 2 days.

Life went back to normal finally but at this point, I am determined to watch my food intake and cut out as much refined sugar as possible.

Post Op day 14 : SECOND POST LEEP OP CHECKUP

Date: 24th June

Dr Helena Lam took a quick look and was very satisfied with the wound healing nicely.
She advised me to do a Pap Smear before I embark on my IVF so that we will know the CIN status before any pregnancy journey. Normally, the 1st Pap is done 4-6 months after the Op but since I want to start my IVF asap, I booked in for my first Pap on 19th July. That is about 3 months after. I was told no fast and hard rules as to when I can get tested so it was fine but only reason I brought it forward instead of early Aug was my IVF doctor was going away on 2 weeks vacation leave so I thought better to catch her before she leaves so that i can have my result while she is away. I figured if all is well, i can get started soon.

Dr Helena Lam also advised me to have one normal round of period first before I start IVF so that means I have to forgo my June window. However, I took her advice because I really trusted her.

31st Jan. Goodbye little one.

The nurse called and confirmed the bad news. It was indeed a chemical pregnancy. My beta-hcg has dropped off from 28 to 9 today.

They wanted me in for another blood test on 4th Feb just to confirm my hcg has drop to below 0.x level so that no extra steps are necessary.

As I'm typing this, I can feel the familiar feeling between my legs.
Call it whatever they want, it's miscarriage and that's my potential baby gone today, literally down the sewage pipe as I flushed.

I didnt think I had much maternal instincts but I guess you dont know what you have till something is gone. So when you lose something, it feels like completely something else. A tiny void.

I console myself that it's prob better this way, at this earlier stages, than to wait till its bigger with a sac, only for it to be unsustainable later. I think that will even be more heart breaking.... perhaps I should kick my own arse for testing so early. Otherwise, I would just assume my period is late.

However, instead, I wont be able to live with complete oblivion now.
Today the last day of the month, 31st Jan marked the end of my first pregnancy.

God I feel like crying...

The inevitable bad "news"

It's past noon and the doctor didnt call. I suppose since its bad news there isnt any hurry...

My period has come on full force now but its thinner than usual. The mild cramps have also started to hit. I guess that's it. I am assuming that I can file it under Chemical Pregnancy now...

Lying here in bed wondering how to take the "news". Disappointed I guess...I was really hoping but what can I say. Did I cause it with my self medication over last weekend for my cold? Not that I think pap smear would have caused it but would I have been better off not to do it to narrow down the possibilities?

I know my husband will be nice and supportive tonight but he is leaving for long business trip in 2 days. That means I have plenty of time to brood over it which I rather not...maybe it's a good thing that its CNY and I get to go back, play with my dog and distract myself from reality...

Depressed

I did a home test on Sunday afternoon. I got a shock when it read 1-2 weeks pregnant. However I was very cautious and googled.

You would think that false positive is impossible but apparently for Clearblue Digital pregnancy kit, there were alot of complaints about false positive for the early months.

I bought another home kit to test on Monday and it was negative. Not a surprise.

On Tuesday 29 Jan, I went for my pap smear. It didnt occur to me to inform my doc about the home test since the nurse sat me on the reclining chair in the next room first before even meeting the doctor. I was prep for the Pap smear even before I said hello.

After the Pap Smear, i told the doctor about it and reckon its a false positive but we went for a blood test anyway to test my beta hcg level.

That eve, the nurse called and told me the doctor requested for me to go for 2nd blood test on thurs morn at 8am so that she can get the report by 1pm before her op.

I didnt understand and so I asked the nurse why. I dont know if its a chinese thing, myth or what but the nurse wasnt very forthcoming except that the doc wanted to see my 2nd hcg reading. She proceeded to say mine was very low at 28.

28 what? what does 28 mean?

anycase, I asked if I could do the test on friday. Initially i didnt want my husband to know about the blood test incase a negative will upset him. Getting up at 7am which is abnormal will be hard to explain. The nurse however insisted that the its better. Why better i asked. She said in case the doc need to give me supplements.

So I spent the next day going through the internet to know what she was not telling me.
The doc need anoher blood work to see if my beta hcg was rising or dropping. Dropping means it was a failed pregnancy.

On Wed afternoon, I was devasted and horrified when I saw my pantiliner soaked with brown blood. I had a sinking feeling. That eve i googled what that meant. I was hoping it was because of the pap smear and not the other bad news.

Howeve wed nite, more fresh blood in my discharge. That cannot be due to the pap smear  I am certain now. I had pap smear before and it doesnt carry over to the 2nd day. As I googled, I was more horrified to read how alot of people complained of failed pregnancy due to pap smear. I felt so depressed.

On thurs morning 31 Jan, just before I went for my blood test. I saw fresh blood stains on my pantyliner. Not spotting. It looks like bleeding.

After my blood test and I got home 1 hour later, I was seeing bright dark red discharge exactly like my period hanging off down to the water in the toilet bowl. If this isnt indicator of a failure...I dont know what is. I think it's pretty obvious that my body is delivering the bad news before the phone call I will receive, except that now I feel awlful to have presented a small window of hope to my partner last night, only to dash it now.

I googled and every article said it should be light spotting and brown blood. Not red like mine. U know how the feeling of your heart sinking to your tummy feels? That's how I feel now.

I had really hope it would be a good news but I know that everytime I wish hard for something, it almost never happens...it's almost like a taboo for me to want or wish for anything or get too excited.

I'm 38yr. My window is shrinking and makes me wonder if I have the heart to take this journey of potential hearbreaks.

My First experience with HK TCM and acupuncture.

My IUI in October 2012 wasnt successful, as expected.

I wasnt particulary devastated but I wasnt ok either.

I went online and decided what the hell, I might as well give TCM (Traditional Chinese Med) a try. If some says it helps with getting pregnant, what do I have got to lose. Quite a few of my frens seemed to give it a shot and some after 5 years of infertility, got down with 2 kids after a year of TCM. TCM takes time. Some says 6months to 1 year depending on your body condition.

So I went googling and narrowed down to this lady.

The whole TCM experience is kinda hard to describe, or rather form a concrete opinion.
When I first visited her, I was just recovering from about of serious cold, sore throat, fever, etc. My body was loaded with antibiotics and tons of meds. She looked at my tongue and pronounced my body is not balanced coz of the thick white coat and it was swollen. She told me she cannot diagnose my true status until my cold is healed. In the end, I was told I was too damp internally. That is also why I have PCOS.

That was in late Oct. So every 14 days interval, I visited her in Nov, Dec for 3 course of Chinese Herbal supplement. We nailed it down to my sleeping pattern and hormones and weak kidney and liver deficiencies. She insisted I needed to sleep by 2am to have my body recover and organs recharged. My sleeping at 5am cycle was damaging.


 She told me to also check my discharge.

Things that your gyn dont tell you if you are going to do IUI and IVF. I have heard alot about white egg like discharge but frankly, I have never seen it for myself. So when she told me to look out for it, i didnt know what to look out for. I mean its like telling a blind person what egg white looks like.


I tried. It was hard but I managed to get to bed by 1am or 2am, depending if the bastards living upstairs will let up on their fucking footsteps at 2am+ and 7am+. I tried politely talking to them, offering to buy rugs and shoes but was turned down and accused of being overly sensitive. Typical HK family. Insisted that they cannot possibly make so much thumping noise just from their footsteps alone...on their fucking cheap old 10+yr wooden floor. I kept my cool and invited her to my place for tea and listen to the noise for herself, just so that I am NOT over paranoid and sensitive and she get the sense of loudness. TYPICAL HK woman laughed at my suggestions and refused me out right. She said it's her living space and she has already been very quiet. What can I say to such people?

So my sleeping cycle aside, I decided to cut down on sugars and desserts. Not that hard really since I only have to reduce cakes.

By Dec 29th, she declared my tongue healthy and pulse getting better on one side but not the other.

In Dec, I also monitored my discharge. She told me to look out for "stretchy" discharge which means I need to check the consistency. I asked exactly what should I look and what define it as stretchy. From what I gathered, it should have texture like your mucous that will stretch between your fingers and not break.

She told me to use my fingers to check my vaginal but luckily for me, I didnt have to. My discharge was hanging so far down and long that it touches the water when I sit down to pee. Well, I grabbed it to  stretch it to be sure and I finally know what it meant by that. Interestingly, it was really crystal clear and almost like eggwhite but less thick and gluey.

TCM doc was happy because she said that my body is redjusting and that is good. What is also good is that I had a faint line on OPK (Ovl prediction kit), first time ever since its always negative. She said its a good sign since some PCOS people will never get a faint ghost line, or they get false 2 lines all the time. The fact that there is a line means there is a surge in my LH but just not peaking high enough.

Then comes Xmas and treatment has to interrupt simce we are both going away.

It's a good thing I am brought up chinese and I like chinese med taste. Though one taste quite horrible and I need to brush my tongue to rid the after taste.

So all I can say is that TCM seem to be correcting my body but i am not sure if that is also to do with me sleeping early... wish me luck. I am gonna miss IVF in Dec since my bloody period have to clash with just the week before my flight back to OZ that xmas week.

Is it God's will that I cannot have a child?

First scan after first round of IUI injectibles

Went for ultra sound the other day on Wednesday which is D10, I dont know how many follicles there are but from the scan, there are about 3 dominant ones with 2 on one side and 1 on the other. They are about sized 13mm and still not the best ideal size for IUI yet.

The doctor told me she would increase my injectible dose from 75 to 100 for 2 days and I am to go back on Friday for further monitoring on the follicle growth. Well, at least she said the lining growth seems good if i didnt misheard her. If things go well on Friday, she will give me a shot on Sat. No thanks to Sunday of course which means I can only do IUI on Mon instead of the next day after the shot. Seriously, the amount of obstacles I am facing is depressing.

The thing about IUI, you dont really know if there is an egg inside the follicle or if its of viable quality. You will only know if you perform an IVF where they actually can study your egg upclose.

Also, I still dont know if I have a blocked tube or not, so there are so many things hanging over my head.

Realistically, I am not pinning my hope on success on first try. Read too many failures to be optimistic. Not even sure if IUI will still be able to take place this time round either.

Right now, all I can do is eat well, sleep well and pray.

Incidentally, the hormones injectibles seem to make me really tired. I feel like I dont have enough sleep half the time and strangely, I slept better through from morning to the afternoon than nighttime. Wonder if other woman suffer the same side effects. My waistline feels perpetually fat too. It's like water retention that never goes away after the period. Sigh....

Wish me luck tomorrow. Hopefully it will be good news...

IUI first Puregon Injections and blood work readings

After seeing my doctor on Tuesday, she suggested to start my IUI injectibles on Thursday, today!

I have always been terrified of needles and the idea of poking myself does not appeal to me. Still, a woman got to do what she has to do.

After a 10mins briefing and demo by the nurse, I gave myself my first jab. Despite not being a fan of needles, ( who is?!) , it wasnt as bad as I thought.

The idea is to know where to jab yourself. Area below the belly button, and half the index finger segment away from the belly button on bother sides are the ideal spot. Learnt something new, when rubbing the antiseptic, go circular motion outwards. That is to wipe the germs away and outwards. Going to and fro apparently only move the germs to and fro. Doesnt help. Lesson Learnt.

I was to do a 75mg Puregon jab each time for 6 days.
Unfortunately for me, there is a consecutive holidays in HK on Monday and Tuesday.
My doctor couldnt do much and so the earliest she can review my progress is Wednesday, longer than she like.

I had rem in July, my nurse had told me the "worst least ideal situation" that can happen is for me to get hit by this Oct holiday in the middle of my IUI. Then she commented "What are the odds right" trying to convince me not to worry. I should have told her, I am THAT unlucky, anything that shouldnt happen to others always seem to find its way towards me.

My blood work result came back, but that was on my version of Day 2 period, not Day 3 the ideal day.

The results came back Estradiol(E2) at 82, FSH 3.5, LH 6.1.

I am still concerned that my E2 reads so high.
Even though the last time it was 96, but that was day 3. This time it is at the start of my period and it still reads over 80.

Wish me luck...
I dont even know the quality of my egg, that is if I have any eggs even to begin with.

I am honestly not hopeful.
Keep my hopes down and the less disappointed I am.